How to Build Confidence as a Woman: The Neuroscience Behind Self-Doubt

By Molly Benjamin, Founder of Ladies Finance Club

Listen to the full podcast here.

Confidence shapes far more of our lives than we realise. It influences whether we speak up in meetings, negotiate our salary, invest our money, or put ourselves forward for opportunities. In many ways, confidence determines how big we allow ourselves to play in life.

In this episode of Get Rich, I sat down with Caroline Bruin, a former investment banker who retrained in neuroscience and coaching, to unpack something so many women experience: why incredibly capable women still struggle with self-doubt.

Because here’s the surprising truth. Confidence isn’t something a lucky few are born with. It’s something your brain can learn. And once you understand how the brain works, building confidence becomes far more achievable than most of us realise.

Why Smart Women Still Second-Guess Themselves

During her 18 years working in investment banking, Caroline noticed a pattern. Many brilliant women hesitated to put themselves forward, questioned their value, or played smaller than they needed to. Meanwhile, other people with less experience simply backed themselves and progressed faster.

It wasn’t about talent. It was about confidence.

Neuroscience helps explain why this happens. Our brain is fundamentally wired for safety rather than success. Its primary job is to keep us alive and protected, which means it constantly scans for risks like rejection, embarrassment, or failure.

When we consider speaking up, asking for a promotion, or doing something unfamiliar, our brain may interpret that as a potential threat. That’s when self-doubt appears.

For women, this can be amplified by socialisation. Many of us were raised to prioritise being liked, maintaining harmony, and avoiding conflict. Those traits are valuable, but they can also make our inner critic louder, especially in environments where confidence and visibility are rewarded.

The result is that many women hesitate not because they lack ability, but because their brain is trying to protect them.

Your Brain is a Prediction System

One of the most powerful concepts Caroline shared is that the brain works as a prediction system. Your brain constantly looks at past experiences and tries to predict what will happen next. If it predicts embarrassment or rejection, it will try to steer you away from the situation entirely.

This is why stepping outside your comfort zone can feel uncomfortable even when the opportunity is exciting. Your brain simply doesn’t have enough evidence yet that you’ll succeed. But the key word there is yet.

With awareness and repeated action, we can retrain the brain to make different predictions. Instead of assuming something will go wrong, the brain gradually learns to expect that you can handle the situation.

Confidence is Built, Not Born

It’s easy to assume confident people have always been that way. But confidence isn’t something we arrive with. As Caroline joked during the conversation, babies aren’t delivering keynote speeches or leading boardroom meetings.

Confidence develops through repetition. Every time we try something new and succeed, even in a small way, the brain releases dopamine. This chemical reward reinforces the belief that we are capable.

Over time, the brain begins to store evidence of success. That evidence strengthens our belief that we can handle new challenges.

However, many of us unintentionally interrupt this process. Instead of acknowledging progress, we move straight on to the next goal. We dismiss our wins and focus on what still needs improvement. When we pause to recognise effort and progress, we give the brain the signal it needs to build confidence.

Understanding the Inner Critic

Most of us have an inner critic that comments on our decisions, questions our abilities, and highlights potential risks. While it can feel frustrating, the inner critic isn’t actually trying to sabotage us. Its purpose is protection.

That voice developed over time as part of the brain’s safety system. It believes that by pointing out possible problems, it is helping us avoid danger.

One helpful strategy Caroline shared is to separate yourself from that voice. She even gives hers a name, calling it the “gremlin.” When the critic shows up, she acknowledges it but doesn’t let it control her decisions. This simple shift creates space between the thought and the action. Instead of believing the critic automatically, you can choose how to respond.

Another powerful approach is speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a friend. Most of us would never criticise someone we care about the way we criticise ourselves. Replacing harsh self-talk with encouragement sends a very different message to the brain.

Why Action Changes Everything

Confidence isn’t built by thinking about doing something. It’s built by actually doing it. Even small actions can shift how the brain interprets situations. Speaking up in a meeting, asking a question, setting a boundary, or having a difficult conversation are all examples of moments where confidence grows.

Each action creates evidence that you are capable. Over time, that evidence changes the brain’s prediction system. Instead of asking “What if I fail?” the brain begins to think, “I’ve handled something like this before.” This is why confidence often looks like momentum. The more you act, the easier it becomes to keep moving forward.

The Connection Between Body And Brain

Confidence isn’t only shaped by thoughts. Our body language also plays a powerful role in how the brain interprets situations.

Research around power posing has explored how posture can influence our mental state. While the science around hormone changes is debated, many people still experience a noticeable psychological shift when they stand tall, breathe deeply, and adopt confident body language before a challenging moment.

Our bodies constantly send signals to the brain. When we stand upright and take up space, the brain interprets this as a sign of strength and capability. When we hunch or shrink ourselves physically, the brain may interpret that as vulnerability.

Sometimes the quickest way to influence the brain is simply by changing how we hold ourselves.

Shaping Your Mindset Through Awareness

Caroline also spoke about the reticular activating system, a fascinating filtering mechanism in the brain.

This system decides which information enters your awareness and which information gets filtered out. It works a bit like a spotlight, highlighting things that align with your current beliefs. If you start the day focused on stress or self-doubt, your brain will naturally search for evidence that confirms those feelings. But if you intentionally focus on gratitude, positive affirmations, or progress, the brain begins noticing opportunities and successes instead.

This is why practices like gratitude journaling, reflection, and positive self-talk can be powerful tools. They aren’t about ignoring challenges. They are about training the brain to recognise possibility.

Confidence And Money Decisions

This conversation connects closely to something I see within the Ladies Finance Club community. Many women understand the mechanics of investing, budgeting, and building wealth. But self-doubt often stops them from taking the first step.

Confidence plays a major role in financial decisions. When women back themselves, they’re more likely to negotiate salaries, invest earlier, and make decisions that grow their long-term financial security. Building confidence isn’t just about career progression or personal development. It can directly influence financial outcomes as well.

Confidence Creates Ripple Effects

One of the most rewarding aspects of Caroline’s work is seeing how confidence spreads into different areas of life. Women she works with often begin by wanting more confidence in their careers. Over time, that confidence shows up in their relationships, their leadership style, and their willingness to pursue opportunities they once believed were out of reach.

Sometimes the shifts are dramatic, like applying for a promotion or negotiating a pay rise. Other times they’re more subtle, such as setting boundaries or trusting their instincts.

Either way, confidence rarely stays contained in one area of life. It tends to create a ripple effect.

Confidence isn’t reserved for a select group of people. It’s not a personality trait you either have or don’t have. It’s something that grows through awareness, action, and retraining the brain. Your brain may be wired for safety, but it is also capable of learning new patterns. With small steps and consistent practice, it can begin predicting success rather than failure. And when that shift happens, it changes not only how you see yourself, but also the opportunities you allow yourself to pursue.

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