Money Dilemma – Unexpected bill!

To: Molly

Subject: Money Dilemma

I’ve got a bit of a money dilemma and would love your take.

I was recently invited to a girlfriend’s 50th birthday dinner in Melbourne. She sent beautifully designed invitations and when we arrived everything felt very “hosted”, name cards, flowers on the table, the whole setup. She and her partner are quite well off, so naturally we assumed the dinner was being put on by them.

Everyone had also chipped in for a gift.

So you can imagine the surprise when the bill came out at the end of the night and we were told it would be split. There had been no mention beforehand that we’d be paying for dinner, and a lot of people at the table were visibly confused but polite.

It got me thinking, is there a rule or some kind of etiquette around this? Or is this just one of those awkward money moments?

Thanks x

Molly's Response:

Ohhh yep, this is a classic awkward money moment, and you’re not alone in feeling caught off guard.

There aren’t hard and fast “rules”, but there are expectations, and most of them come down to clear communication.

Here’s the general etiquette most people operate under:

If you invite people to a milestone birthday dinner and don’t mention payment, the default assumption is that the host is paying, or at the very least has organised something subsidised.

When there are formal invites, table settings, and a strong “hosted” vibe, expectations are naturally set.
If guests are expected to pay their way, the polite (and drama-saving) move is to say something like:

“We’ll be booking a group dinner, everyone will just pay for their own meal on the night.”

That one sentence avoids all of this.

What made it extra uncomfortable here is that:

It was a milestone birthday
Everyone had already contributed to a gift
There was no heads-up at all
So your reaction is completely valid.

That said, this stuff is often less about money and more about mismatched expectations.

Your friend may genuinely not have realised how it would land, especially if splitting bills is normal in their circle, then she just wanted to make the setting 'nicer' with extra bits.

My biggest takeaway (and what I always tell people in the LFC community): 👉 Money isn’t awkward, silence around money is.

Clear communication upfront saves friendships, feelings, and group chats blowing up afterwards.

And if it helps, you can quietly file this one under “good to know for next time” and do things differently when you’re the one hosting.

If you’ve got your own money dilemma, send it through. You’re never the only one wondering. 💗