Money Dilemma: I’m the Broke Parent. How Do I Compete With My Wealthier Ex?

To: Molly

Subject: Money Dilemma

Hey Molly,

I’m a divorced mum with 50/50 custody of my 8-year-old son. As a teacher earning around $70k, nearly half my income goes straight to the mortgage. I’ve refinanced and lived incredibly frugally for the past two years - since the split.

In that time, I’ve achieved a lot: paid for urgent home repairs, built an emergency fund, bought a reliable secondhand car, and kept up with my son’s extracurriculars. I’m now slowly saving for a holiday with him, a future car, and even a big trip together when he turns 18.

But the truth is- my ex got the money, I got the mortgage. I didn’t fight for more because some of his wealth came from inheritance, and it didn’t feel right. Now he can afford toys, trips, and experiences I just can’t and honestly, don’t want to. I want to raise our son with strong values, not a love of stuff.

But lately, I feel like the boring, broke parent. And my son’s starting to feel that too. His dad brushes off the imbalance, saying we all make “choices,” while paying just $8 a week in child support.

I’m doing everything I can to give my son a calm, secure home. But how do I teach him about money, gratitude, and values- without criticising his dad, sounding bitter, or feeling like I’m falling short?

Molly's Response:

Here are my thoughts.

You’re not falling short.

You’re showing your child the kind of wealth that really matters: stability, love, grit, and values that can’t be bought.

It's clear you're doing your absolute best.

1. You're already modelling the values you want him to learn.
You’re showing him resilience, responsibility, and what it means to work hard and prioritise what matters - even when it’s not flashy. Kids might not always say it, but they feel the stability and care you’re providing. Keep reinforcing those values through small conversations, choices, and consistency. They’ll stick more than you realise.

2. Start age-appropriate money chats with him.
Even at 8, you can begin to talk about needs vs wants, saving for goals, and the fact that not all families do things the same way. Use everyday situations (like grocery shopping or planning a day out) to gently explain budgeting and trade-offs - without bringing Dad into it. It’s about helping him see that different doesn’t mean bad.

3. Create “fun” that doesn’t cost much, but feels rich.
Start your own low-cost traditions that he’ll remember: pizza-and-picnic movie nights, Pancake Sunday, stargazing walks. Frame these experiences as exciting and special. Kids remember how they felt more than what they got.

4. Flip the script in your own mind.
You’re not the ‘boring, broke parent’-you’re the safe, smart, and steady one. It’s okay if your home doesn’t have all the bells and whistles. What it does have is love, structure, and presence and that’s a gift money can’t buy.

5. Introduce daily gratitude or abundance mantras.
Try: “We have everything we need” or “Our home is full of love and laughter.” It might feel small, but it creates a mindset of enough.

Because wealth isn’t what you own. It’s how you live. 💛