Divorcing in Your 40s? What Every Woman Needs to Know Before Separating

By Molly Benjamin, Founder of Ladies Finance Club

Listen to the full podcast here.

Divorce and separation in your 40s can feel overwhelming, emotional, and financially terrifying. Especially if you’ve spent years prioritising your family, your partner, or their career over your own.

At Ladies Finance Club, this is something we see all the time.

In Australia, the average age women divorce is around 44 years old, and many reach this point feeling unprepared, unsure of their legal rights, and worried they’ve left it too late to start again financially.

In this episode of Get Rich, I sat down with Australian family lawyer Samantha Lewis to unpack what women actually need to know before separating, legally, financially, and emotionally.

This conversation is practical, empowering, and essential listening if you’re considering separation, already going through it, or supporting a friend who is.

Why separating in your 40s is different

Separating later in life is very different to splitting up in your 20s or early 30s.

By your 40s, you’re more likely to have:

• Property, businesses, or investments
  
• Superannuation that’s grown significantly
  
• Children in primary school, high school, or nearing adulthood
  
• Intertwined finances built up over decades
  

As Samantha explained, the complexity is higher because there’s more to untangle. Property settlement, parenting arrangements, and financial planning all need careful consideration, especially when emotions are running high.

Marriage vs de facto, what the law actually says

One of the biggest myths around separation is that de facto relationships are somehow “less protected” than marriages.

Under Australian family law, long-term de facto relationships and marriages are treated similarly. However, that doesn’t mean a two-year relationship is automatically treated the same as a 20-year marriage.

The court looks at:

• Length of the relationship
  
• Financial and non-financial contributions
  
• Care of children
  
• Future earning capacity
  

There’s no automatic 50/50 split. Every situation is assessed individually.

The biggest mistakes women make early on

The most common mistake Samantha sees isn’t doing “the wrong thing”, it’s doing nothing.

Many women delay getting legal advice because they’re overwhelmed, scared, or listening to inaccurate information from friends or their ex-partner. In some cases, women are told they’re “entitled to nothing”, especially where there’s been financial control or emotional abuse.

Knowledge is power. Getting advice early can prevent costly mistakes and protect your future.

What to do before things escalate

If you’re considering separation, there are some simple but important steps you can take early on:

• Start listing all assets and liabilities
  
• Gather bank statements, superannuation balances, and loan documents
  
• Think about what you brought into the relationship
  
• Keep copies of important financial records
  

This information helps enormously when it comes to property settlement and understanding your true financial position.

What not to do (even when emotions are high)

One of the strongest warnings Samantha shared was this, anything in writing can come back to bite you.

That includes:

• Emotional text messages
  
• Social media posts
  
• Long message chains sent in anger
  

These can escalate conflict and, in some cases, lead to intervention orders or legal consequences. As hard as it is, keeping communication minimal and calm can protect you legally and emotionally.

Common myths about money and divorce

There are a few big misconceptions that still catch women out:

“If it’s in my partner’s name, it’s theirs.”
Not true. Assets are assessed as part of the overall property pool.

“Inheritance is off-limits.”
Not always. Depending on timing and circumstances, inheritance can be considered.

“Only income earners are entitled to assets.”
Completely false.

Non-financial contributions, like raising children, managing the household, and supporting a partner’s career, are recognised as equally valuable under the law. In long relationships with children, income differences often matter very little.

How property settlement actually works

Property settlement doesn’t automatically mean court.

The process usually involves:

1. Identifying all assets and liabilities
   
2. Assessing financial and non-financial contributions
   
3. Considering future needs and earning capacity
   
4. Negotiating a fair and legal outcome
   

Many matters resolve through negotiation or mediation, but it must be formalised properly. Handshake deals or informal agreements are not legally binding.

Superannuation, the asset many women overlook

Superannuation is often one of the biggest assets in a long relationship, sometimes even larger than the family home.

Super can be split as part of a property settlement to help ensure both parties leave the relationship with retirement security. This is especially important for women who’ve taken time out of paid work.

However, super is locked away until retirement, so it’s crucial to balance long-term security with short-term cash needs. This is where coordinated financial advice matters.

“I can’t afford a lawyer”, why that’s often not true

A major reason women stay in unhealthy relationships is fear of not being able to afford legal help.

What many don’t realise is that if there are assets, there are often ways to fund legal costs, including:

• Litigation funders
  
• Court applications for access to joint funds
  
• Deferred payment arrangements
  

Lack of cash flow doesn’t mean lack of options.

The danger of “we’ll sort it out later”

One of the most important legal warnings in this episode was timing.

If you divorce and don’t finalise a property settlement within 12 months, you can lose your right to make a claim altogether. Verbal promises are not enforceable.

This is especially critical if future inheritances, new relationships, or superannuation growth are involved.

Starting over financially is not too late

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was hearing how often women thrive financially after separation.

Samantha sees women regain confidence, control, and clarity once finances are in their own hands. With the right systems and support, managing money becomes empowering rather than scary.

Starting over in your 40s isn’t failure. For many women, it’s the beginning of their strongest financial chapter.

Children, separation, and emotional support

When children are involved, protecting them emotionally is critical.

The key principles are:

• Keep children out of adult conflict
  
• Avoid using them as messengers
  
• Be calm and respectful at changeovers
  
• Reassure them they are loved by both parents
  

Small behaviours can have long-lasting emotional impacts. There are excellent free parenting resources available through the Family Court system that can help guide this process.

If you’re in your 40s and thinking about separation, the scariest part is often the unknown.

Getting clear on your legal rights, understanding your financial position, and seeking both legal and emotional support can completely change how this chapter unfolds.

Divorce is not just an ending. For many women, it’s the beginning of autonomy, confidence, and true financial empowerment.

And you don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you’d like support, we’ve included links to Samantha Lewis and other trusted family law and financial professionals in the show notes.

You deserve clarity, protection, and a future that feels safe and yours.

Need financial advice? Check out a range of our experts who can help you!