How to Build Confidence as a Woman, The Neuroscience Behind Self-Doubt

Why do so many smart, capable women second-guess themselves?

In this episode of Get Rich, Molly sits down with Caroline Brewin, former investment banker turned confidence coach and neuroscience expert, to unpack the science behind self-doubt and how to build real, lasting confidence.

After 18 years in investment banking, Caroline saw firsthand how talented women held themselves back, not because they weren’t capable, but because they didn’t back themselves. Now, through coaching and applied neuroscience, she helps women rewire their brains for confidence instead of fear.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why your brain is wired for safety, not success
  • Why women often have a louder inner critic
  • Whether confidence is something you’re born with or can build
  • Simple daily rituals to boost confidence fast
  • How to stop overthinking and start taking action
  • The link between money confidence and self-belief

If you’ve ever hesitated before speaking up in a meeting, asking for a pay rise, investing your money or making a big life decision, this episode is for you.

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a muscle you build.

Need to speak to an expert? Connect with a vetted financial professional we genuinely recommend here.

CHAPTERS

00:00 – Welcome to Get Rich Podcast
00:01 – Meet Caroline Bruin (18 years in investment banking to confidence coach)
01:11 – Why smart women second guess themselves
01:28 – Your brain is wired for safety, not success
03:10 – Are we born confident or do we build it?
03:29 – Confidence is a muscle (repetition, reward, reflection)
04:47 – One small action that rewires your brain
06:52 – How to silence your inner critic (name your gremlin)
07:40 – Power posing, does it actually work?
09:40 – Pre-presentation confidence rituals
10:12 – Pause, breathe, rewire (neuroscience reset tool)
11:40 – Applying confidence tools to money & investing
13:08 – Real results: promotions, pay rises & bold career moves
14:50 – Rebuilding confidence after life changes or separation
16:29 – The power of a strong morning routine
17:29 – Reticular Activating System explained (your brain’s filter)
18:20 – Gratitude, affirmations & shaping your mindset daily
20:01 – The book: Confident (neuroscience-backed tools)
20:31 – What’s inside the book & who it’s for
22:37 – Where to connect with Caroline

LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

📘 Caroline’s Book
Confident: The Secrets and Superpowers of Neuroscience
Check it here: https://www.brainpoweredcoaching.com/confident

🧠 Concepts Mentioned in This Episode

• Reticular Activating System (RAS)
• Power Posing research (Amy Cuddy TED Talk)
• Dopamine & confidence loops
• The Inner Critic / “Gremlin” technique
• Confidence Action Plan framework
• Morning routine & gratitude practice
• Positive affirmations & self-directed neuroplasticity
 

CONNECT WITH CAROLINE BREWIN

Website: https://www.brainpoweredcoaching.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caroline-brewin/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brainpoweredcoaching/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@brainpoweredcoaching
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BrainPoweredCoaching/
Book: https://www.brainpoweredcoaching.com/confident

CONNECT WITH LADIES FINANCE CLUB

Join our free Facebook group - Ladies Finance Club Money Chat
Website: https://www.ladiesfinanceclub.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ladiesfinanceclub/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ladies-finance-club/

TAKEAWAYS

• Our brain is wired for safety rather than success.
• Women tend to have a louder inner critic due to socialization.
• Awareness is crucial for breaking the cycle of self-doubt.
• Catching self-doubt thoughts early can prevent them from taking over.
• Retraining the brain's prediction system is essential for change.
• Socialization impacts how women perceive competition and leadership.
• Understanding our brain's wiring can lead to personal growth.
• Self-criticism can be mitigated through awareness and practice.
• The inner critic can be challenged and changed over time.
• Success can be redefined by overcoming safety-based thinking.

SOUND BITES

"Women tend to have a louder inner critic."
"Starting with awareness is so important."
"Retrain your brain's prediction system."

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] MOLLY: Welcome to Get Rich, the podcast that helps you do just that. Get rich and stay rich. Hey, I'm Molly Benjamin. I'm the founder of Ladies Finance Club, one of Australia's largest financial education platforms for women. But before I started helping thousands of women take control with their money, I was a hot financial mess when it came to my own finances and not the fun kind of hot, more like crying in a supermarket, wondering where all my money went kind of hot.

[00:00:29] But here's the thing, if I can go from financial mess to owning a share portfolio, investing in property, and building wealth. Then you can too. My mission is simple to make women rich because when we have financial freedom, we have choices, confidence, and control over our future. Every week on Get Rich, I sit down with some of the best experts in the industry to break down how we can all start investing, growing our money, and creating long-term financial security without the jargon, boring bits or overwhelm.

[00:01:02] Because when women get rich, we don't just change our lives. We change the world. So if you're ready to start making some Smart Money moves, hit that subscribe button and let's get Rich together.

[00:01:15] On today's Get Rich episode, we are talking about something that impacts your career. Your finances and how big you allow yourself to play in life.

[00:01:25] Confidence, because I can teach you how to invest. I can show you how to grow your super, but if you don't back yourself, you'll second guess every decision before you even start. And a reason why I wanted to have Caroline Bru and join us. On this episode was I speak to so many incredible women and I just wish they would back themselves more because their confidence isn't where it should be.

[00:01:50] And I just feel like there are so many small things we can do that we're gonna learn on today's podcast that can actually help us with our confidence. And so after 18 years in investment banking, our speaker. Has she actually retrained as a professional coach? Studied neuroscience and now helps high performing women rewire their brains for confidence instead of self-doubt.

[00:02:14] She's also the author of her brand new book, confident. So in this episode, we're diving into why amazing smart women doubt themselves. What happens in your brain when that inner critic kicks in?

[00:02:26] And some simple tools that you can start using today to build confidence like a muscle. All right, let's get into this very important episode.

[00:02:35] Caroline Bruin, we are so excited to have you finally on our Get Rich podcast.

[00:02:40] CAROLINE: Thank you so much, Molly. Lovely to be here.

[00:02:43] MOLLY: I would love to know Caroline, how did you get into this space of helping women with their confidence?

[00:02:50] CAROLINE: You know what, I spent 18 years in investment banking and I saw so many incredible women and men as well, but particularly women, not achieve what they could do 'cause they lack confidence.

[00:03:03] And it was so frustrating for me, um, seeing women hold themselves back, doubting their value or playing small with other people who were less talented. Just they just backed themselves and they were the ones who progressed. So I studied as a professional coach. I studied applied neuroscience, and I brought those together with my corporate background to really try and help people shift their confidence levels and help organizations.

[00:03:31] Shift the level of performance they can have as a result of that too.

[00:03:35] MOLLY: Fantastic. And I see it a lot in my world, and obviously you would see it a lot in your world, but why do so many smart, capable women second guess themselves? And how do we break that cycle?

[00:03:49] CAROLINE: This is one of the most important things to understand about how your brain works.

[00:03:54] So our brain is wired for safety rather than success. The same circuitry that used to keep us alive now can often keep us stuck, and women tend to have a louder inner critic because we've been socialized to be liked. It's actually a survival mechanism. That we are as women, we are the weaker sex technically.

[00:04:19] Don't bite my head off anyone, but we are, in terms of from a physical perspective, we are weaker, therefore we're, it's much more important back from those evolutionary days that we had a tribe around us. So it is, um, from that perspective, it means that we are much more wired to interact with people around us and to make sure that we are in a, in a world which is, is more collaborative, less competitive.

[00:04:44] So as a result of that, we tend to have this, this louder inner critic because we're wired to be liked, not necessarily to be the ones who are competing and lead.

[00:04:54] MOLLY: Yeah.

[00:04:55] CAROLINE: If we wanna break the cycle around that, then my, the thing which I think is so important is starting with awareness. So catching a self-doubt thought before it takes over and then you start to retrain your brain's pre prediction system.

[00:05:14] MOLLY: Mm. And I feel like the next question might have been answered, but is it something, yeah. Is cnce something we are born with or is it something that we build? Because you'll see some women. So confident they ooze confidence and you're like, have they always been like that?

[00:05:33] CAROLINE: Well, yourself included, Molly, you, you could probably answer that question, right?

[00:05:36] So look, well, let's be, let's be honest. Te Babies aren't doing TED Talks. It is absolutely something that we can build. So your brain builds through repetition and reward and reflection. Um, so the thing is that what we often do is we don't actually reward ourselves for the great things we've done. We just skip over them and we move the bar.

[00:05:59] If we can create an environment where effort is rewarded, and particularly for people with kids, reward the effort. Not just giving them a gold star for winning. You know, I'm really proud of you, of how you've tried and how you've put in all that hard work. And when we reward ourselves for that effort process, every time we do something and succeed, even in a small way, our brain releases dopamine and reinforces the belief.

[00:06:29] I can handle this. I believe in my ability to figure something out. So confidence isn't something you're born with. It's a muscle that you can build. You just need to keep going to the gym.

[00:06:39] MOLLY: Yes. I love that. Keep practicing, keep building that muscle. I know when I was working in corporate banking, there'd be situations where I'd be maybe one of the few females at the table and I'd be like.

[00:06:50] Quite scared to actually speak up. I'd be like, oh, what if I say something silly? But I guess like from a really practical sense, what is something that women can start doing today or you know, tomorrow when, depending on when they're listening to this podcast, to make them feel confident, like. Yeah, almost kind of like are there any kind of like quick wins?

[00:07:12] CAROLINE: Hmm. Like I mentioned, confidence is about action and so if you can take one small action that moves you out of thinking into doing that action actually changes your brain chemistry. It interrupts the overthinking and creates evidence that you can. Even if it's just the smallest step, you know, if you think to put your hand up in a meeting and ask a question or you say something which you are a bit frightened of, like having a tough conversation with someone or just saying no to someone.

[00:07:46] Something as simple as as that, and recognizing yourself for that and saying, oh my goodness, look, that was something I found hard and saying I'm proud of myself for doing it. Yeah. What that does is it creates a positive message for your brain. It says. I tried something hard and actually I did it. And what that does, it creates evidence of success and, and what you'll hear, as I say that, is the kind of language I'm using for myself, which is a bit like you're speaking to a friend.

[00:08:15] Yeah, because we speak to ourselves in a way which we would never speak to other people. Yeah. The kind of things that we would say to ourselves are horrendous. They actually, even if you say them out loud, it can be quite shocking. So rather than speaking to yourself maybe how you do, I call it the inner critic mine's called the Gremlin, and I've given it a name because it allows me to say, you know what, gremlin.

[00:08:41] Thank you for your feedback. I know you're trying to keep me safe, but. Actually, I appreciate it, but I, how would a friend talk to me in this situation?

[00:08:51] MOLLY: Mm.

[00:08:51] CAROLINE: Because a friend would say, you know what, Caroline, you can do this. Go for it. I believe in you. And from that place, your brain can't actually distinguish between the voice externally and the voice.

[00:09:04] Maybe that internal feedback. So what you are giving your brain is that self-compassion and that confidence and the courage to move forward.

[00:09:13] MOLLY: I love that, and that's a really simple step people can take. What are your thoughts on power posing? I know there was that very big famous TED Talk that came out many years ago.

[00:09:24] Are you a believer in power posing.

[00:09:27] CAROLINE: Yes. So, uh, the, the one you are referring to, it was some people debunked some of the research in it, and what they found was that it was, I mean, it was Amy Cuddy and they found that her research found that a power pose, so having your hands up in the air as if you've just crossed a finish line or having your arms on your hip.

[00:09:47] Um, what act that actually does is change your level of testosterone, increase your level of testosterone, reduce your level of cortisol, which you know, is partly used from a stress perspective. Now, she, I've seen research with her since she still sticks to that. Personally, I have spent many a time in a bathroom or a meeting, a meeting room next door to when I'm just about to go onto a call in a power pose.

[00:10:12] Saying positive affirmations to myself saying, you can do this. You are a rock star. I believe in you. And the difference I found is extraordinary. The level of how much it's calmed me down and allowed me to operate at my best has been significant. So I am all for power posing the messages we give our brain through our body.

[00:10:34] Extraordinary.

[00:10:35] MOLLY: Yeah.

[00:10:35] CAROLINE: If you think about simple things, like if you were to imagine someone who is depressed, what kind of body language do they have? You know, they're hunched over. We kind of cuddle ourselves where comforting ourselves. How do we feel if we're feeling confident we are in that power pose.

[00:10:51] So whatever that research is, I, I, I'm fully supportive.

[00:10:54] MOLLY: Okay. Fantastic. So if someone's feeling like they might have lost their confidence, or maybe as you said, they've got a big presentation, what's a go-to ritual to. Get it back, because obviously we can definitely do that, that self-talk, we can do the power posing.

[00:11:12] Is there anything else in your kind of realm of expertise that you would suggest?

[00:11:18] CAROLINE: Mm. So a couple of things. Pause, breathe, and rewire. Just taking a breath. Our breath is so powerful. We, lots of us don't even breathe properly. We spend so much of our time, really shallow breathing, and the benefit of just taking over a few really deep breaths.

[00:11:35] It can really calm ourselves down. Also using that, okay, rewiring. Okay. How am I talking to myself? The other thing which, um, I actually go through in the book Confident, which we were gonna touch on at some point, but it's a confidence action plan. And what this does is it takes you through the context that you are in.

[00:11:55] It takes you through objectively, okay? What is the context I'm in? What am I saying to myself? Is it real? What is the likelihood of it happening? What actually is the win of doing this? And you go through this process of kind of deconstructing what otherwise can be a catastrophization and just completely, we have a natural negativity bias.

[00:12:17] So what your brain will be thinking, oh, the worst thing that can happen. And what it does is going through that, it distinguishes our level of judgment versus the reality. And then how we can create momentum to move forward.

[00:12:30] MOLLY: And it's really interesting because I think we can do like bringing money into it as well.

[00:12:35] Like so many of us have so many negative conversations with ourselves about money. Our money confidence is very low. So we can be applying these exact same methods to when it comes to our. Thoughts and feelings and the way we're talking and thinking about money as well.

[00:12:54] CAROLINE: Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, it's, um, I need to do that better.

[00:12:59] We all have, you know this better than I do, you know, beliefs around ourselves, which are established from our upbringing and our values. Around money and how we see that, and absolutely. This is why I'm so passionate about confidence because it comes into so many different parts of our life. Whether it's how we show up as a parent, how we show up as a friend, how we show up in terms of doing the amazing work that you do, Molly, in terms of that investing.

[00:13:26] You know, stepping up and going, oh, oh my goodness, am I gonna invest in the stock market? Absolutely you can. You just, it's how you can equip yourself for that.

[00:13:34] MOLLY: And so you work with some extremely high powered, you know, women who are at the top of their career, top of their industry. What are the results that you are seeing after they spend time working with you?

[00:13:47] CAROLINE: But you know what, this is what brings me such joy in what I do because I get emails from people or calls, and they have gone for a promotion that they never would've thought they, they could, yeah, they've gone for a pay rise and they've got more than they thought they ever would. I had one lady who.

[00:14:10] Started coaching a football team on a Sunday, and it was something that she'd always kind of deep down wanted to do, but didn't really want to admit to it. As a result of that, she gained so much more confidence. And it can be as simple as, you know what actually how I'm showing up in my relationship is entirely different.

[00:14:29] I'm having some of those conversations, which are hard, but it can make the difference between someone spiraling down a relationship, destruction and breakup to, you know what? Actually really, really having a something which is built on much stronger foundations. It is such a privilege knowing that this kind of ripple effect is happening as a result of people learning about themselves more.

[00:14:56] I had one friend who used one of the techniques in the book to help her daughter, who was just about to go on stage, and she called me. She said it really, really worked. If that can be something which helps. Younger people who are struggling so much with confidence nowadays and my mission is, is done.

[00:15:13] MOLLY: I love that.

[00:15:14] And what we're seeing, I guess more and more, it might be similar in the uk, but it's definitely there in the Australian statistics, we're seeing more and more women. Leave relationships separate, choose to divorce in their kind of mid forties and sometimes that comes with a big confidence loss for all those particular, that kind of demographic.

[00:15:37] Are you seeing that across the UK as well with many of the women you are working with and I guess is there like, uh, go to like small Daily habit and maybe it's in the book, but a small daily habit that you can share for those women who are. In that and listening right now?

[00:15:54] CAROLINE: Mm. I don't think it's a huge problem.

[00:15:57] You know, I think that the, the reality of life now is that in some ways it's a good thing that if you're not happy, if you've made the wrong decision earlier on, then good on you for having that confidence. To say, you know what, I'm actually, I'm better than this and I'm gonna find the right person for me.

[00:16:14] So I commend people if you're in the wrong relationship for stepping out there and, and having the courage to do that. The thing which I think there's so many things, Molly, I, I can't even start. But one thing which I think is. So important, particularly when you're in that situation of a breakup, is taking each day, but having a morning routine and having a really powerful morning routine that shapes how you think, because we have something called the reticular activating system.

[00:16:43] This is part of our brain, which basically is like a filter and. It's a bit like a bouncer on the door to a nightclub. And the reason we have it is because our brain otherwise would let in all of the different stimulus in our environment, which would be completely overwhelming. So what it does is it filters what comes in based on our thoughts, our beliefs, and what we identify with.

[00:17:08] So, for example, a dentist will notice people with wonky teeth or you've just bought a Tesla, a white Tesla. You see white Teslas everywhere. It's one of those things, it's so, it filters out and it's really clever 'cause we can use it all the time to look for specific things. But why do you need this in terms of your morning routine?

[00:17:25] Because if you set your mindset up. With a, for example, some positive affirmations, which I do every day. I go for walks all on the street and I say things like, I am strong, I am capable. I'm celebrating the work I'm doing. I believe in myself. Your reticulate activating system wants to look for evidence of that.

[00:17:46] So it your shaping how your brain sees the world. The same thing with having a gratitude diary. Lots of people think this is just some woo woo, um, toxic positivity. It's not. It is how your brain starts to see the world, because if you are grateful every day, you will start to look for things to be grateful for, particularly if you're going through a really tough time.

[00:18:09] Shaping and deliberately shaping how you are starting each day in that kind of way can make such a big difference. Then you tie that in with exercise, which I, you know, I think is absolutely crucial. Meditation I've done for. 15 years now and you know, that's really helped me. So yeah, a few different things in there.

[00:18:28] Start small and start to build up that what is that anchor point for you every morning that will help you start your, your day in a positive way.

[00:18:38] MOLLY: I love that. I love the mantras, the gratitude, and yeah, the exercise. Such a, and meditation, such a awesome combination. I've been doing the gratitude as well. I make my partner do it every night.

[00:18:51] I'm like, what are we grateful for in our day? What happened? What were good things? Good things are always happening to us. Let's call them out. Especially, I think it helps as. Especially on the hard days. Especially on the hard days. Yeah,

[00:19:03] CAROLINE: yeah. You are. Obviously, you've got a small person on the way. Right.

[00:19:07] And what I say to parents is what a privilege it is. If you can shape the mindset of your children by every day, just like you are doing, asking them, what are you grateful for? Because you'll shape the way that they think and they see the world and that is such a privilege.

[00:19:27] MOLLY: Absolutely. And Caroline, you have written a book.

[00:19:31] I actually have my copy here. Let me grab it. Confident right here. Yeah. And congratulations. 'cause I always say, first of all, like to write a book is such a mammoth effort, so massive. Congratulations.

[00:19:46] CAROLINE: Thank you.

[00:19:47] MOLLY: What is this book about and who is it for?

[00:19:50] CAROLINE: Mm. The book is how to be Confident using the Secrets and Superpowers of Neuroscience.

[00:19:58] So it's about bringing together so much of the learning and the stories, but also the science. In a way which is really digestible and that can help anyone, male and female. But I have such a passion for the women out there to completely shift how they operate in the world and to really unlock that level of potential that, you know, you have deep down.

[00:20:24] MOLLY: Fantastic. And where can people buy it from?

[00:20:27] CAROLINE: You can get it from Amazon, as you would think, Amazon Waterstones. Yeah, so you can get it online. And it's also in color, which is, I love because it's got loads of different frameworks and cheat sheets and tools and stuff in there, which I really wanted people to have in a way that was really digestible and, and.

[00:20:50] Fun to read. So, um, it also has 13 interviews in it with all sorts of different people from the first black woman on the PGA tour to someone who runs the fighter jet top gun arm part of the military in the uk to your, one of your very own wallaby captains, Phil Kerns. So, and a whole load of people, amazing women and men and their, their stories with confidence as well.

[00:21:14] MOLLY: Oh, fantastic. And I absolutely have to say I love the color and the front cover as well. Like, it's such a nice. And it just feels great, so I can't wait to dig in even more. Kaz, thank you so much for jumping on and sharing your knowledge so generously, if someone wants to learn more about the coaching you do or the programs you offer, where can they go?

[00:21:37] CAROLINE: They can go to the website, which is brain powered coaching.com, or we are on all socials as brain powered Coaching.

[00:21:45] MOLLY: Awesome. That's it. Thank you so much, and we'll make sure we pop all those links in the show notes.

[00:21:50] CAROLINE: Super. Thanks Molly. Speak to you soon

[00:21:52] MOLLY: and if you are looking to connect with an expert, there's nothing we love more than connecting Aussie women with amazing mortgage

[00:21:58] brokers, financial advisors, money coaches around Australia.

[00:22:02] So just head to our show notes to uh, grab the link where you can connect with them.

KEYWORDS

brain, safety, success, inner critic, socialization, self-doubt, awareness, women, retraining, prediction system